All I Had To Do Was…

All I had to do was…

help him from his hospital bed

to his portable toilet

in the middle of the living room

that was all I had to do

but

he was wearing briefs.

All I had to do was…

pull them down,

that was all I had to do

but

he was my Pa,

my Dad,

the only man I ever loved.

All I had to do…

with my sixteen year-old body was,

brace him with my shoulder,

pull down his briefs

but

I didn’t know how,

I couldn’t look him in the face.

All I had to do was…

set him down

but

I didn’t

until the second time we tried

his face in panic.

All I have to do is…

remember if I got them down,

did he feel relief,

did I forget to be his granddaughter,

his daughter,

his baby girl

and help him one last time,

his last time out of bed

the last time we stood and leaned into each other.